The Japanese Vampire: The Kappa

If I say Vampire, you pretty much imagine a tall, pale guy with sharp, protruding fangs, that sometimes sparkles, right? Well, how about one that resembles your favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

The Kappa is Japan's version of a vampire, but is generally believed to be a demon. Though, despite that, any being that takes anothers life force is considered a vampire. Which the Kappa certainly does do, but we'll move onto that later. First, how the little guy looks.

The Kappa's looks seem to change from region to region, each part of Japan trying to come up with an uglier version than the last place that painted him. He is often depicted as a small boy, that kinda looks like a turtle mashed your worst nightmares. He has yellowish-green scaly skin, a beaked mouth, a mini pond on his head ,and he reeks of fish. The Kappa is certainly no Edward Cullen in the looks department.

However, like his predatory cousins of the western folklore, that fishy smell doesn't deter the ladies from joining him for a swim. The Kappa is a bit of a prankster. One day he's that nice fellow who just lets off a laughing gas bomb, and the next he's drowning your wife.

So how is this ugly fellow a vampire? The simple answer is, he drinks his victim's blood... through their anus. Tasty. It is said to lure people into the water and wrestle them until they drown. Then once they are dead, he either drinks their blood, devours their liver or takes a person's Shirikodama, which is their soul that hides inside their butt, for power. Why the Japanese believe that there is a ball of power that resides in their anus, I do not know, but that is what the Kappa is after.

When he is not after your behind, he will sometimes drown your horses, kidnap people and rape women. Such a charmer. Sounds pretty much like any other vampire we know. However, just like how some vampires have to be invited inside your house, the Kappa can also be polite. If the Kappa is staring at you with its murderous turtle eyes, just bow at him and he has to bow back. And what does that do? Remember that pond on its head, well, when it bows, all the water spills out and the Kappa can not move unless it is refilled with water from its lake. Now if you don't run away screaming and help the poor thing out, it will forever be in your doubt.

Or if you want to be a bit more rambo with your approach, just rip off one of its arms. Apparently, it works. The legend goes, that a Kappa once tried to scare a cow by plunging its hand up its arse, but the joke was on him when the cow broke his arm in fright and ripped it clean off before running all the way home. The farmer obviously noticed an arm hanging from the cows behind and thought that wasn't right, and pulled it out. Then came along the Kappa begging for his arm back. The farmer agreed, only if the Kappa never molested anyone or any animal in town again. He agreed, grabbed his arm and made his way back home to his pond. However, the kappa was a little shit and invited another Kappa to do his handy-work for him and terrorise the village.

Aside from licking arse, the Kappa loves cucumbers. If you befriend a Kappa with a cucumber, he will bring you a fish, which is seen as good will. He'll also help with any task and give you secret medicine.So, he's not a total bad guy.

The Kappa is still believed in today, with many Japanese ponds having warning signs against him. However, there has been no sightings of the Kappa, so it's safe to go back in the water.

Now would you like to see a vampire movie featuring this guy, or another sparkling pretty boy?

External links:

http://mythology.wikia.com/wiki/Kappa

https://tokyo5.wordpress.com/tag/kappa/